READ THIS.
You’re sitting at your desk, and you know it’s time to go. You’ve said that to yourself over a million times, but this time you know, for sure, is real. You’re tired… you’re just so very tired. You’re parents pissed you off, like school wasn’t bad enough today. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun or whatever you choose to use because you’re that desperate to leave. You’re ready. You think of it as some game… the first one dead is the one who wins. No ones home, it’s the perfect time. You’re ready. If you don’t do it now, you’re gonna look down on yourself even more, forever. You’re going to hate yourself even more. No one knows, no one will know… until later on. Instead of getting a paper and a pen, you get the video camera, along with a chair. You’re standing on the chair. You decided to go with the rope… you’re gone instantly and there will be no noise. One side of the rope is tied to the top of your fan, while the other is already around your neck. You’re in tears, you know it’s for real this time. You can feel it. You turn on the video camera and just stare at the red light blinking upon your eyes. You start to mumble out a few words. “Mom and dad, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m sorry, but I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’ve lost myself and I seem to not find my way back. Please don’t blame yourself, please. I love you both, please tell my siblings the same. Stay strong, and stay save. I’ll see you all soon.” You say sorry to your best friend because you know you won’t be there for him anymore especially when he needs you more than ever. You say sorry to everyone you could think of… even yourself. You’re sorry for not being strong anymore. You’re sorry for breaking down. You’re sorry for putting them through so much
pain in their life. You stare, once again, at the red light blinking upon your eyes. One foot is off the chair now as you begin to mouth the word goodbye. You have the
remote control to turn off the camera in your right hand. Your pointer finger on the off button already. You clicked that button and as soon as you see that light go off, you go off. Both feet are now off the chair… the chair is on the floor… the room is filled with silence. You’re dead. You’re gone. There is no going back. Everything is over. You don’t have to live in pain anymore… but everyone else will. What are your parents going to think? What about your little brother, or little sister? What are they going to do? You’re gone. You’re dead. There is no going back. You ended your life because the person of your dreams only likes you asa friend. You ended your life because that one teacher was harder on you than anyone else in the class because she knew you’re the only one that is going somewhere in life. Your parents are home now. They call your name telling you their home, just like they normally do whenever they get home…. but something’s different. You don’t answer. They don’t hear your voice. They get worried… you always answer. They come upstairs thinking your sleeping or showering. Your mom opens your bedroom door and screams at the top of her lungs. She instantly passes out. Now your little sister comes up after her. She screams “DADDY HELP!!!!” She runs over to you hitting your leg begging you to wake up. “WAKE UP, WAKE UP. PLEASE STOP WAKE UP”. But you don’t answer, you’re not waking up. You’re gone. You’re dead. There is no waking up. Theres no going back. Your dad comes running upstairs and all he could do is stare. He watches his baby girl swing back and forth on a rope. He sees the video camera and he sees the chair. But he doesn’t move. He’s stiff as a board. He cries…. Your dad NEVER cries. He picks up the phone and calls 911. He can barely get the words “My daughter committed suicide” out of his mouth. He’s in tears. Your little sister stares at your dad. Your dad hangs up and your little sister jumps into your daddy’s arms, crying harder than ever. She’s too young to understand completely, but she knows you’re gone. She knows you’re dead. There is no going back. Everything is over. The cops finally arrive. They push your dad and sister out of your room and sit them in the living room. They take your body down off those ropes and lay you on the stretcher. They cover your body and out you go… just like that. You’re gone. You’re dead. There’s no going back. Nothing is the same. Two weeks have passed and your mom still stares out the window more than half of the day. Your little sister still hasn’t returned to school. Your dad is forced to go to work so he can pay all the bills for your wake and funeral. Eventually, they found to strength to go into your room. Your door hasn’t been open for months. The rope is still laying on the floor and the video camera is still sitting on the table. They don’t even dare to watch the video, it will never be seen. They slowly pick up the rope and throw it in the garbage. Chills run up their spine, your mom basically in tears. They brush off your bed, making it neat… like they used to do every morning after you went to school. Your bed was made and your room was clean. They shut the door, and it remained shut. Your school is still in distress. You thought no one cared and you thought no one noticed you. The girl that said no to being your lab partner, yeah she cuts every single night now because she thinks it’s her fault you died. The boy that tripped you by accident and didn’t say sorry, yeah he’s in suicidal therapy 5 days a week in a hospital because he feels a smile could of saved your life and he didn’t give that to you. The teacher that was hard on you that day, she quit her job because she felt she wasn’t suited to teach anymore. You’re gone. You’re dead. There’s no going back. 4 years have passed. Your little sister is now 15 years old. She started a club in her school dedicated to you. “Secrets” is what he calls it. The club is formed for kids to speak their hearts, without anyone judging them. They can say anything they want to, and talk about anything they needed to. If they were suicidal, they always had someone. That was your problem. You didn’t want to talk to anyone. You had everything bottled up inside of you. You acted as if you were the happiest kid on the planet and you had the perfect life. You played that character so well that even you started to believe it. You would be so “happy” and as soon as you layed in bed at night, the thoughts came back. A little fight between you and your parents could have set you off. But with everything inside of you bottled up for years, it hit your limits. You’re gone. You’re dead. There’s no going back. Your room will never be occupied. Your mom still cries every single night. Your dad isn’t as strong as he used to be. Your little sister will never grow up with you by her side moving her in the right direction. Your best friend is still torn up. Your school now has a club dedicated to you so teens will not make the same mistake you did. Your life was precious and you took it away in the blink of an eye. All you needed was a smile, that’s all you needed. But since you’re gone, just know people cared. People always have cared. You were just way too upset to see that. You were just too caught up in the fact that you thought no one cared… when the truth was, more people cared about you that you ever thought they would. Your town will never be the same. A girl is gone, a special girl who thought no one cared. Everyone cared. I promise you. They care, they always have cared. We loved you, and no matter what, we will still always love you.
Kiss everything goodbye
So you cut yourself. The day after your arm is in so much pain it becomes hard to move around. You wear short sleeve shirts? Kiss goodbye to that. Oh, and While you’re at it, you’re going to need an infinitive amount of bracelets. It gets to 2 days after, and your cuts have scabbed over, they no longer hurt and nobody has found out. You think nobody will ever find out and that it will be your little secret and that you can keep it to yourself, your own little safe place- wrong. You cut again. More and more time goes by and your arms suddenly look like a battlefield. Your friends find out, they judge you and then -poof!- Kiss goodbye to them too. You feel more alone than ever and cut more. You become addicted and you can no longer feel comfortable around sharp objects.Everything sharp becomes a tool and all you can think about is how deep it would cut.
It gets to summer and all your family are in the pool. You’re wearing hoodies and long-sleeve shirts to hide your cuts and scars, you can’t show them or your parents will find out your secret.
Another month goes by and you are feeling worse than ever. Your mom found out and you are no longer trusted around sharp things- Kiss goodbye to freedom.
People at your school find out. You are getting ‘emo’ and ‘slit wrist- screamed at you when you walk through the corridors, and everywhere you look people are stood, laughing at you.
Is all this really what you wanted? When you picked up that razor, did you expect all this?
No, I didn’t think so.
Imagine this…..
It’s been a few hours, you’ve just been hanging there. You’ve been quiet, too quiet. Usually there’s music playing, or your foot steps could be heard. But today, you’re quiet. Your little sister, who doesn’t normally come to greet you because you lock yourself away, decides to see what you’re doing. She assumes you’re taking a nap, or doing some homework quietly. She runs up the stairs, eager to see, but she comes to an immediate halt. You’re not doing your homework, nor taking a nap. Your music isn’t playing and you aren’t walking around. You’re hanging there, completely still, now just like her. At this moment, her whole world shatters. Everything she has ever known, looked up to, loved, is hanging there by a thread. At this moment, her life has been changed forever. At this moment, she wishes she was hanging with you.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.” No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.” No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.” They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.
Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.
Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare so no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.
If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:
My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you. No matter what reach Out to someone.
If you are thinking of taking your life, call:
1-800-784-2433
1-800-SUICIDE
